The Conversion to Euro English...
The Conversion to Euro English...
With the implementation of the Eurodollar underway in Europe these last
few years, the European Union is trying to find new ways to standardize
practices in Europe.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which
was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five
year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This
should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible
mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go
away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali
kum tru! And zen world!
